Here We Go

So I guess we're about 24 hours from this whole thing starting.  Today's been pretty emotional- I'm sure it isn't helping that I worked last night and got relatively no sleep today.  That always makes me a mess.  I think it's also hitting me that the process is about to start, that things might actually start to get hard and I just might feel lousy.  Up until now I haven't been really affected; I can still run, can still work, play with the kids, hang out with Ian and have no differences in my life.  I'm not super nervous about the surgery tomorrow.  What I'm scared about is what happens as a result.  The tumor will be tested and will determine if I have to have chemo.  Don't know why, but chemo scares the crap out of me.  I don't know if I'm tough enough to do it. 

Today's been great in alot of ways.  I've gotten phone calls from my family all over the planet who I love love love.  Friends  have emailed and texted, the kids have been so compassionate and caring even with their Mom who seems to fall apart every 10 minutes and can't quite hold it together.  Who knew that grilling asparagus could bring someone to tears?!  Ian's been steady and a rock through this whole thing.  I feel like he's given up so much for me for 15 years and now he's sacrificing again.  I am amazed at how selfless he is.  I can't ever remember when he's ever put himself before me, and while me needing him so much as got to be getting old, I love him for what he's always so willing to do for us. 

This experience has reminded me, if nothing else, of how much people are there for me.  I love all the places I've been in my life, all the jobs I've had, the people's I've met, and you always wonder why you go down a certain path and what effect it will have on your life.  Today I feel like God put every single person in my life intentionally because at the time I'm feeling the weakest I've ever felt, I have old friends,  current friends, old river guides, family that I talk to all the time and family that I don't get to talk to often enough, running partners, nursing friends,  people from church, people from my kids' school, Young Women that I hung out with 15 years ago, and everyone else who's gotten wind of this stupid situation who are offering words of encouragement, prayers, positive energy and light, WonderWoman t-shirts, and great music to get me though.  I am a lucky girl.

My friend, Shellee, gave me a plaque tonight that said, "If God brings you to it, He will see you through it."  Ok... here we go.