I just got the best news ever...NO CHEMOTHERAPY FOR ME!!!! The oncotype Dx results put me in the low risk range, giving me a 9% chance of the cancer returning in the next 10 years. That number is a little high for me- would've liked to have it be less than 5%, but I think I'll just run with it and be grateful that my kids aren't going to have to deal with this challenge and I won't have to be bald, puking, and having poison run through my veins.

I went for the best run ever tonight. I talked to God most of my run- partially because I have so much to be grateful for. In terms of the cancer it seems like I got off easy. A day or two after surgery I felt good enough to go to my kids' games and activities. I started to run 13 days post-op (sorry Dr. Hazard- couldn't go the full two weeks) and am back up to my normal mileage. Radiation is the next part, and the last thing is taking tamoxifen for 5 years. I can do all of that. Chemotherapy is what scared me- mostly because I don't want to feel lousy, I don't want Ian to have to bear the burden of having a sick wife, and I don't want the kids' summer to be defined by puking/tired mom. Although maybe challenge would be beneficial...

I saw a friend the other day who said, "You know there have been 4000 people praying for you.". I think that must be true because other than that first week after the news came that I had cancer I've felt peace and optimism. I gave a talk in church on Easter where I read something from a journal entry. I didn't dare ask that I wouldn't need chemotherapy. I see so many kids' parents in the hospital begging God to just preserve the life of their child
and it's not granted... Even though the child deserves life. Why would He spare me from chemotherapy just because I feel like I'm too weak to handle it? But what I've learned is that God may not spare us from the challenge, but He'll give us the faith, bravery, and courage to handle it.

"We are so much stronger than we imagine and belief is one of the most valiant and long-lived human characteristics. To believe, when all along wenhumans know that nothing can cure the briefness of this life, that there is no remedy for our basic mortality, that is a form of bravery.". -Lance Armstrong

Thank you to everyone for your belief, your prayers, your positive energy, your encouragement. I realize I'm not having to handle the hardest part of cancer, but if I did I know I'd have 4000 people doing it with me.

Happy news

So I just talked to Dr.Abraham, the oncologist. He got the pathology report back... Looks like the lymph nodes are not cancerous! That's great. The tumor is/was bigger than they thought, measuring in at 1.9 cm, which is still considered Stage 1. That's great too. All the margins are clear except for one, which means more surgery is likely. Bummer, but that joy juice sure was great so maybe more isn't too bad! Chemo is up in the air but he indicated that there's a chance that I won't need it.

Lance Armstrong said, "You can not only survive cancer but thrive after it.".

I think I'm feeling a little thriving coming on!

Wonder Woman lives on!

Surgery is over, I'm home and feel great (thank you dilaudid). Andrew Criser,my friend and anesthesiologist offered my "joy juice" before they wheeled me to the OR. Next thing I knew it was 4:00 and it was all over. Didn't feel a thing!

I love Ian. He is wonderful. I came up to the room tonight and on my pillow was an iPad. It,s killing me that he got me one. About a month ago I started researching them to get him one for his birthday. I did all of my online research at work so he wouldn't know and asked several friends all a out them. Anyway, I guess a couple of weeks ago he emailed everyone asking to leave voicemail messages and to send music that he downloaded for me onto the iPad that he got me first! We think so much alike...sometimes! So thank you everyone for your messages, your music, your texts, your calls.

My friend Shellee gave me a book by Jeffrey R. Holland and when I flipped it open last night I read this: "When we speak of those who are instruments in the hands of God, we are reminded that not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some we walk and talk with- here, now, everyday.". I have so many angels in my life. Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement, your prayers, your positive thoughts, and believing in me.

We will get tumor results in a week or two... Until then...anyone want to go for a run?

Here We Go

So I guess we're about 24 hours from this whole thing starting.  Today's been pretty emotional- I'm sure it isn't helping that I worked last night and got relatively no sleep today.  That always makes me a mess.  I think it's also hitting me that the process is about to start, that things might actually start to get hard and I just might feel lousy.  Up until now I haven't been really affected; I can still run, can still work, play with the kids, hang out with Ian and have no differences in my life.  I'm not super nervous about the surgery tomorrow.  What I'm scared about is what happens as a result.  The tumor will be tested and will determine if I have to have chemo.  Don't know why, but chemo scares the crap out of me.  I don't know if I'm tough enough to do it. 

Today's been great in alot of ways.  I've gotten phone calls from my family all over the planet who I love love love.  Friends  have emailed and texted, the kids have been so compassionate and caring even with their Mom who seems to fall apart every 10 minutes and can't quite hold it together.  Who knew that grilling asparagus could bring someone to tears?!  Ian's been steady and a rock through this whole thing.  I feel like he's given up so much for me for 15 years and now he's sacrificing again.  I am amazed at how selfless he is.  I can't ever remember when he's ever put himself before me, and while me needing him so much as got to be getting old, I love him for what he's always so willing to do for us. 

This experience has reminded me, if nothing else, of how much people are there for me.  I love all the places I've been in my life, all the jobs I've had, the people's I've met, and you always wonder why you go down a certain path and what effect it will have on your life.  Today I feel like God put every single person in my life intentionally because at the time I'm feeling the weakest I've ever felt, I have old friends,  current friends, old river guides, family that I talk to all the time and family that I don't get to talk to often enough, running partners, nursing friends,  people from church, people from my kids' school, Young Women that I hung out with 15 years ago, and everyone else who's gotten wind of this stupid situation who are offering words of encouragement, prayers, positive energy and light, WonderWoman t-shirts, and great music to get me though.  I am a lucky girl.

My friend, Shellee, gave me a plaque tonight that said, "If God brings you to it, He will see you through it."  Ok... here we go.

Little Italy, Baltimore

Headed out to dinner in Little Italy, Baltimore

Hi family and friends- Just wanted to keep you in the loop with what's going on with my girls... Ian and I just got back from Johns Hopkins for a second opinion.  The oncology team there is great and re-explained everything that we'd already been told here at West Virginia University.  At this point I think I'm going to go ahead with the lumpectomy scheduled for April 7.  I'll get about a month after that before any other types of treatment are started, during which time the tumor will be sent to CA for Oncotype DX testing.  This helps determine if I'll need chemo.  If I do, that'll start at the end of April.  Otherwise, radiation will start.  I'm hoping for the latter because, really, who wants to be bald??!!  So, fortunately for me, we'll start with the less-invasive surgery.  Unfortunately for Ian, he doesn't get his wife to look like the Sports Illustrated swim suit models!